A guy is walking down the strip when a second guy flags him down and says, " Can you please help me with some money? My wife and I were walking down the strip and she was looking up at all of the lights and tripped on a curb. She broke her shoulder and is pretty banged up. The problem is we do not have any insurance and any little bit will help."
The 1st guy says "Are you kidding me? Do I look stupid? If I give you $20 you're just going to go into that casino and blow it on slots." The 2nd guy says, "Oh no, no, I have gambling money!"
Source: http://youmightbe.com/blog/ A man comes home to find his wife packing her bags. "Where are you going?" demands the surprised husband. "To Las Vegas! I found out that there are men that will pay me $500 for a blowjob and I do it for you for free!" The man pondered that thought for a moment, and then began packing HIS bags. "What do you think you are doing?" she screamed. "I'm going to Las Vegas with you... I want to see how you're going to live on $1000 a year!"
Source: http://www.jokes4us.com/dirtyjokes/gamblingjokes.html There was this guy who lived in Chicago. He was very successful at his job. He had a wife and was happily married. And he had lots of money. Then one day he heard A Voice. The Voice said, “Quit your job, sell your property, and move to Las Vegas.” He said to himself, “What was that all about?” All that day he heard The Voice over and over and over. It was driving him crazy! He decided he was working too hard so he took the next day off.
While he was at home he kept hearing The Voice. “Quit your job, sell all your property, and move to Las Vegas.” He finally decided to move. So the next day he quit his job, sold his property and moved to Las Vegas. When he got there The Voice said, “Go to the Bellagio Casino.” So he went there. He got there and The Voice said, “Go to the Roulette Wheel. Put all your money on red 16.” So he does. The man behind the wheel started it to spin around and around and around. It finally stops on black 12. The Voice says, “WELL, SHIT!” 1. First, it's pronounced LOSS VAYGUS, NEVA-A-A-DA (not Nev-ah-da.). It doesn't matter how they say it in other places.
2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Las Vegas has its own set of traffic rules. There's no book about them. All you can do is get in your car and hope you survive to learn them. 3. All directions start with, "Go down 95...' cause you DON'T want to get on 15!" 4. Las Vegas Blvd, Charleston Blvd, and Torrey Pines have no beginning and no end. 5. It's impossible to go around a block and wind up on the same street that you started on. The Chamber of Commerce calls this a "scenic drive". 6. The 8:00 am rush hour is 4:30am to 11:30am. The 5:00pm rush hour is 11:30am to 10:15pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning and ends some time late Sunday night. 7. If you actually stop at a yellow light, then you cannot be from Las Vegas. You may only apply your brakes when the end of a yellow light and the beginning of the red light create a "pumpkin-orange" hue. 8. For the most part, you can do anything you want, as long as it isn't in a school zone. 9. Just remember that Camino Al Norte is Martin Luther King Blvd., Boulder Highway is Fremont Street, Eastern Ave is 25th Street or Civic Center Drive, Desert Inn is Lamb Blvd., Spring Mountain/Sands/Twain are all the same street. Don't try to figure it out. Just accept it. If you question the intelligence behind this naming convention, people will simply tilt their heads to the right and stare at you. 10. Henderson is the only place in the world where THREE "parallel" streets intersect at one traffic light. That would be the 4-way of Green Valley Parkway/Eastern Avenue/Maryland Parkway. For laughs, ask any middle school Geometry teacher to try to explain it. 11. Rainbow Blvd. has THREE exits from the 95, this just makes giving driving directions to newbies more entertaining. There is also a Lake Mead "Drive" and a Lake Mead "Boulevard" and both run east/west but are 30 miles apart. You have to be specific when you say "the corner of Lake Mead and..." Again this is just another way to harass the 5000 newcomers who move into our valley every month. 12. The 215 beltway intersects on the north and the south with many of the same streets, such as Jones/215, Decatur/215 and Rainbow/215. You must be specific in your directions or the repairman will end up 25 miles from your house. Ditto for newcomers. 13. Many major roads just end abruptly in somebody's garage, a Home Depot, a Casino or McCarran International Airport Runway and start again after the interruption. That was done to encourage you to "see the sights" and meet new people. For fun, just try to take Harmon Avenue from Rainbow to Nellis. 14. If moisture at hand is determined to be rain, not sweat, all traffic must immediately cease. Ditto for daylight savings time, girl applying eye-shadow across the street, or a flat tire 3 lanes over. Do not attempt to access any road after an apocalyptic event like snow, blowing dust, or a 3-day weekend. 15. Once a year, when it rains, the Las Vegas Wash and the City of Las Vegas are one. 16. The wind blows every day, and it is impossible to live in Las Vegas without some kind of allergy drug. 17. Construction on I-15 and US 95 is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment. I-215 will never be completed. Get used to it! 18. Stay away from the corner of Nellis and Las Vegas Blvd. if you do not like the thought of being in a remake of the movie "Top Gun." |
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Chocolate and caffeine addicted Brooklyn girl living in beautiful Las Vegas, NV. I love to cook, bake, garden, read and travel. I wouldn't say I have a green thumb. I just keep more plants alive than I kill. Categories
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